After 51 years of fierce independence and self sufficiency, life has thrown a roadblock in my path and erected a very effective STOP sign.  As of the last couple of weeks my heart and my thyroid are being controlled medicinally rather than naturally. Excuse the pun, but for this ‘earth mother’ that’s a hard pill to swallow.

 Although I’m not a control freak (others may disagree) I do like to feel that I’m in control of what is happening to me. I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on these health changes lately, due to a shoulder injury I sustained while skating with my class.

Injure anything knitters, but not your arms!

I’ve been unable to knit, comfortably, for the past 2 weeks. The few times I’ve tried have clearly not been worth the pain afterwards.

I’ve been reading, and thinking,  more.  Having this time and space to think has been illuminating.  I’m beginning to see my years of obsessive knitting as more than just a hobby. Could it be that my inability to keep my hands, and brain, still for more than 30 seconds is my way of avoiding the inevitable reckoning with my soul’s deepest longings? Once these longings are acknowledged action is required, and change is sometimes scary.

 I’ll return to my knitting, of course, once my shoulder has healed. It will be a gentle return; less frantic, less obsessive, taking the time to notice each stitch, to really feel the fiber running through my fingers, and to connect my thoughts with the person I’m knitting for.

 As for my health issues, I’m ‘letting go’ and putting my physical health in the capable hands of my good doctors while I attend to my soul.

Posted in knitting